


The Love Confession

by IvanW



Series: Stand-Alone Stories [60]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Clueless Jim, Confessions, First Time, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Romance, Sassy Spock, Sexual Content, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 14:19:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14570844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Jim tells Spock how he feels





	The Love Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Originally I posted this in 100 word snippets on my blog. You get the whole thing here. Thank you.

James T. Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise, sat across from Spock, Science Officer, and Jim’s First Officer.

They were engaged in a battle of chess, though in truth, Jim’s mind, and hell even his body, was not at all into it. He’d been planning this night forever. All right, he’d been planning it for weeks, anyway.

Really, he’d even talked to his mom about it a bit, which meant he had to be desperate. He’d practiced it in front of his damn mirror. Laid awake hours at night. Second and third guessed himself.

He’d observed Spock. He’d observed Uhura. Made sure they really _had_ ended their relationship for good this time. Everyone said they had. It was all around the ship. Uhura had confirmed it. Spock hadn’t because Spock didn’t confirm anything personal. Jim had observed Uhura even flirting with someone else.

Jim figured he was good to go with his plans.

But now—

His stomach was twisted in knots and the coffee he had been drinking burned in his stomach. All the plans he’d made, all his preparations, his rehearsals, all of it just flew out of his head as he looked at the Vulcan sitting across from him. A chess piece was clutched between two fingers as Spock prepared to make his next move. Jim stared at the pawn Spock placed on the board. It would now be his turn, but he had absolutely no clue what to do next as far as the game.

“Spock, I’m in love with you.”

Jim hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. And having done so, he felt sick.

And when all Spock did was stare at him wordlessly over the chess board, Jim knew bitter disappointment and heartache. So, it was true. All his feelings only belonged to him. Spock didn’t feel that way about him. And really, Jim should have known. Spock had broken up with Uhura months ago, right after their return to Yorktown after Altamid. It had seemed they would reconcile, and then they hadn’t. If he’d really had any interest in Jim, Spock would probably have said so by now.

But Jim had hoped. It was possible Spock was just shy about that sort of thing. It wouldn’t be every day for a Vulcan to admit he had a thing for his Human Male Captain. So when nothing came from Spock, he decided to make his declaration.

And all Spock did was stare at him open-mouthed, like a fish.

“Forget it.”

Jim stood up, wincing slightly when his knee knocked into the board as he rose. A pawn keeled over and hit a knight on its way down.

“I’m feeling unwell, so I’m going to return to my quarters.”

“Captain—”

“No, it’s all right, Spock. I just ate something that didn’t agree with me. I’ll just go back to my quarters.”

The truth was he couldn’t wait to get away. He felt sick, all right, but not from anything he’d eaten. But from the plain fact that Spock didn’t feel at all the same. It was a crushing blow.

Spock made no move to stop him either.

Jim staggered to his quarters, unshed and unwelcome tears stinging his eyes.

What had he expected? An undying declaration of love from his coldly reserved Vulcan first officer. Spock had been with Uhura for years and they’d never made a complete commitment. Or at least Spock had not. Jim figured Uhura wanted to and that’s why it had ended.

Maybe Spock just didn’t want _anyone_. Perhaps he had no romantic interest in any human. Jim could certainly tell himself that to make him feel better.

And yet he felt no better at all.

His door chimed. Jim turned to it.

Jim did not feel like seeing anyone.

“Computer, identify visitor.”

“Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer.”

He groaned. Just what he needed. He wanted to ignore Bones, but an ignored Bones was an even crankier Bones.

“Open.”

“Jim—“Bones started as soon as the door swished open to allow his entry.

Jim held up his hands. “Don’t start. Not in the mood.”

“You do look like hell, Jim. What’s wrong?”

“I’m an idiot.”

Bones smirked. “Yes that I know.”

“Shut up.” Jim smiled in spite of the fact he really didn’t feel like smiling.

“Let me guess. Spock?”

“No. Me.”

“How?” Bones asked, not unsympathetically.

Jim turned from his friend’s gaze. “I told Spock.”

“Told him what?”

“ _Told him_.” He sighed. “That I loved him.”

“Oh.” Bones’ voice was soft, tentative. Like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Jim supposed he was.

“And it went about as well as you could imagine.” Jim shrugged. “He looked at me as though I was some science experiment he couldn’t quite figure out. Like he did when I told him I’d miss him when I thought we were being separated.”

“Jim—”

“And now, God, I need to salvage this.”

“Salvage what? You didn’t do anything wrong. Having feelings for someone is not against Starfleet regulations no matter what that robot might say.” 

“Bones, come on, that’s not fair. He was in a relationship with Uhura for years so he knows it’s not against regulations. He just doesn’t feel the same way I do. And well.” Jim sighed and leaned his head back against his sofa. “I have to accept that. And hope he doesn’t ask for a transfer or something.” 

“Think he will?” 

“I don’t know. He almost left to New Vulcan already. Maybe he will this time.”

“Still—” 

“I can’t face him. And maybe that makes me a coward, I guess it does. But right now I’m too emotionally invested in all this,” Jim admitted. “So I’m going to message him.”

Bones gaped at him. “Message him what?”

Jim ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “ _I don’t know_. That I’m sorry. Maybe that it was a bad joke that didn’t come off well. And that he should forget it and we can just go on as we have been.”

Bones blew out a breath. “And how is that, Jim? Barely even friends? Things being more distant than ever? Is that what you really want?”

“Better that than to lose Spock altogether, Bones. Look I appreciate you coming by but I need to deal with this on my own and preferably alone, okay?”

“Believe it or not I didn’t come by to talk about your love life, I actually came by to tell you that you’re due—”

“Bones.”

Bones didn’t look at all happy about it, but he gave a sharp nod and headed for the exit. “If you need anything—”

Jim attempted a smile. “Yeah. I know. Thanks.”

After Bones left, Jim went to his terminal and decided to send his message through that instead of his PADD. He stared at it for a long time before finally typing a brief message.

_I’m sorry. Never mind. Forget it._

Part of him thought he should not hit send. He said what he said and it was true, whether his feelings were unwelcome to Spock or not.

On the other hand, if Spock thought his declaration was something they could not get past, he might ask for a transfer, or worse, go through with his idea to leave Starfleet and go to New Vulcan.

Ambassador Spock’s death had been hard on Spock in a time he’d already felt torn and under the stress of contributing directly to the Vulcan cause.

But was Jim being selfish in keeping him here?

He wanted Spock to be happy above all else and if helping Vulcans to reestablish the species was the way to make Spock happy then it was wrong of Jim to do anything to prevent that. No matter the hurt.

It was up to him as both Spock’s friend and commanding officer to ensure that Spock’s needs in that regard took priority over Jim’s own personal needs. 

He erased what he typed out and re-typed out,

 _We need to talk. My quarters at your convenience_.

This time he did hit send.

And now the only thing he could do was to wait.

Jim wasn’t good at waiting. All his life if he’d had to wait, he made something happen. But he didn’t know what to do this time. Well, he supposed he’d done it by confessing his feelings to Spock, however, ill-advised.

And yeah, he told himself he should have known better. Love confessions never worked out. Certainly not for him. Not that he’d ever made any before, but even so.

He made himself some tea, herbal, because he figured he was hyped up enough as it was. And he wondered if maybe Spock would ignore his message. Pretend he hadn’t seen it until the next day or something.

But his heart nearly stopped and his breath stilled in his chest when footsteps, soft yet sure, paused outside his door.

If it was someone other than Spock, Jim was pretty sure he’d have to bash their face in. Not very captainly of him.

“Computer, identify visitor,” he called softly as he heard the door chime.

“Commander Spock.”

Jim closed his eyes and put his hand to his stomach as he exhaled slowly.

_Get it together, Jim._

Opening his eyes, he said, “Come in.”

The door slid open and Spock stood in the doorway dressed impeccably in his uniform. Not a hair out of place.

Or was there? On the left side one hunk of hair looked a little tweaked.

For a second, Jim thought Spock planned to stand out in the corridor but after the slightest hesitation, he stepped inside and the door closed automatically behind him.

“You requested my presence, Captain?”

“Yeah, I did, Mister Spock. Have a seat.” Jim indicated the couch and waited as Spock walked stiffly over to it. Jim wondered, curiously, why that one hunk of hair was messy. It looked like Spock had been pulling it or running his fingers through. Something.

Spock sat and Jim came over to where he was. This was no social visit so he didn’t offer a beverage.    

Jim decided to sit on the arm of the couch rather than next to Spock. It put distance between them and it was distance he felt they needed.

“I wanted to talk to you about your career with Starfleet.”

The only sign that Spock was surprised was the rapid blinking of his eyes, but he soon got that under control as well. “Captain?”

“Specifically whether it should continue.”

For a long time Spock said nothing and for the first time in his life Jim understood that saying, ‘the silence was deafening’. His anxiety spiked.

“I am at a loss to explain on what grounds you seek my dismissal.”

Jim shook his head. “That’s not what this is about, Spock.”

“Then what?”

“New Vulcan.”

“I do not understand,” Spock said after staring at Jim blankly.

“Yeah you do. Or I think you do.” Jim looked at his own clenched hands rather than at Spock. Maybe it would be easier. “Before, you wanted to go to New Vulcan and I think, I don’t know, that you didn’t go because you felt like maybe Uhura and I needed you to stay. I can’t speak for her but I think from my point of view, if you think it would benefit the Vulcan race to—”

“You intend to send me a way because I did not react the way you had hoped when you confessed feelings for me.” His statement was flatter than flat.

“No. Spock, no. I admit that my…confession…was ill-advised. I’m really sorry I made you uncomfortable in any way. That’s not how I want to behave professionally as your captain and personally as your friend.” Jim tried a smile. It felt bad. A mockery. “I’d like us to move passed that and frankly pretend it never happened.”

“I see,” Spock said neutrally.

“But it did get me to thinking how I hadn’t been very fair to you about New Vulcan. And maybe, if you don’t want to leave entirely, we can consider a leave of absence for you.”

“A leave of absence.”

“For however long you need. I’d approve it.”

“That’s very kind of you, Captain.” 

Jim smiled. At least he was getting somewhere. Spock was interested in the leave of absence. Which was good, because the idea of Spock leaving permanently was something he didn’t want to think about. Sure, Spock could go there and ultimately decide to stay there after all. But Jim refused to give that consideration too much thought.

“It’s no problem at all. I should have thought of it before. I’m sure you’d like to visit your father too. It’s been quite a while since you last saw him, right?” Jim was warming to the idea, and he thought Spock was too.

“Indeed.”

“So, um, you want to do that? Go to New Vulcan? For how long?”

Jim decided if Spock said forever he’d probably die a little. But since this was for Spock, whatever happened, happened. It wasn’t as though the Kirks ever got happy endings.

“No.”

Spock spoke so softly that for a moment Jim wondered if he had somehow imagined the word.

He found himself simply starting at Spock.

“No?”

“I do not wish to take a leave of absence on New Vulcan at this time.”

Oh, God. He did want it to be permanent.

“Then—”

“What I want, _Captain_ , is to rip the clothes from your body, to bend you over your desk, while I ram into you so deep over and over until neither of us can walk straight for a week.”

Jim’s world suddenly tilted. He tingled all over and he briefly wondered if he had finally, irrevocably, lost his mind. Surely it had at least shorted out.

“ _What_?”

“I am certain you heard every word I said.”

“Yeah. I mean, I heard you. But…I don’t comprehend.”

Spock’s dark eyes were so intense Jim’s breath caught. “I believe you do. You expressed romantic feelings for me.”

“Yeah but—”

“I reciprocate.”

“You…”

“Reciprocate.”

“Oh my God.” Jim felt himself swaying on his feet.

“Jim!”

In an instant, Spock was upon him, holding him up, supporting him. Arms around his waist, face very close to his.

“Spock,” Jim managed to get out. “Are you sure?”

His answer was to swallow Jim’s hitched breath by feasting on Jim’s lips. Cool, soft lips pressed against his, forcing his own apart as Spock’s tongue slipped past the seam.

Jim moaned against Spock, his arms, which had laid un-moving against his side, slipped up and around Spock’s neck to move their bodies together closer still.

Surely he was dreaming this. Had he fallen asleep waiting for Spock to come talk to him? And if he had, Jim hoped he never woke.

It was not Jim’s desk that Spock moved him to in the next moment, though, Jim would have been very okay with that. But rather the enveloping softness of his own bed.

Somehow the backs of Jim’s knees hit the mattress and then he was laying there, flat on his back, with Spock on top, kissing him completely and utterly breathless.

He’d never dreamed Spock knew how to kiss like this, like he was stealing Jim’s very soul.

Spock stopped their kiss briefly to admonish Jim, “If you had not run away after your declaration this could have been our second time copulating.”

And that just sent a jolt of almost crippling excitement straight to his dick. He whined against Spock’s mouth.

“Spock.”

Spock said nothing, just pulled Jim’s boots off with hardly any effort at all and let them fall to the floor with a loud thunk.

Then he was kissing Jim again, devouring him really, and maybe Jim’s brain really _had_ shorted out a little because all he could think about was being fucked for hours by Spock.

Spock’s fingers moved to the zipper of Jim’s pants.

“Spock, I—”

“The time for speaking has ended.”

Maybe it was the tone, maybe it was the heated look in those smoldering brown eyes, but Jim closed his mouth on whatever words he would have said. He rose up when Spock pulled at his pants to remove them.

His wildest dreams couldn’t have foreseen this as the end of his day.

Jim pulled off his own shirt, throwing it across the room. Now he was naked in front of Spock and though generally he was not at all ashamed of his body, he found himself feeling shy.

“Beautiful,” Spock whispered, before attending to his own clothing. Jim barely got an eyeful before Spock lay across him, kissing him, stroking him, fingers going everywhere, over him, in him, driving Jim insane.

Jim had heard rumors, vague and distant, about Vulcan penises. Double ridges, self-lubricating, bigger than humans, testicles in different places, capable of giving multiple orgasms, all kinds of things. He was eager to learn which, if any, were true.

And if some of those things would have to wait for hours, days, whatever, Jim would know all there was to know about Spock.

It was a long time later when, drenched in sweat and large amounts of cum, Jim lay curled on his side, Spock spooned around him.

“Should probably clean up,” Jim murmured lazily. In truth he couldn’t have moved if he had tried. The multiple orgasms? Totally true.

“Later. We can shower together.”

He smiled. “Love the sound of that. Bones is right.”

“I find that hard to process. About what?”

“I really am an idiot.”

“Perhaps,” Spock acknowledged without any hesitation, which should have irked Jim, except he was far too sated to care. “But you are my idiot.”

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“If you had allowed me to speak—”

“Yeah, I know. But it was taking you a long time and I—”

“You are doing it again. I can hardly get a word in.”

“Well.” Jim huffed a laugh. “Anyway. I meant what I said.”

“Which part?”

Jim sighed. “You know.”

“I do not. You will have to tell me.”

“I love you,” Jim mumbled.

“What? I cannot hear you.”

“You have superior hearing. You can hear me!”

“What did you say, Jim?”

Jim was pretty sure Spock was laughing at him.

“I’m in love with you.”

Okay it still hurt a little somewhere deep inside to say it. Your name wasn’t Jim Kirk if you gave your love so freely. It hurt deep. You felt deeper.

Spock turned him in his arms and leaned over Jim as he fastened his lips to Jim’s. “And you are my life.”

Jim eyed him. “Does that mean you love me or not?”

Spock nodded.

“You will have to tell me,” Jim returned.

Spock’s lips quirked. “I am most emphatically—”

“Emphatically is a good word.” Jim grinned. “Maybe you should use that word every time you—”

“Kroykah.”

“Does that mean love?”

“It most certainly does not.”

Jim rubbed his thumb across Spock’s bottom lip. “You’ve made me the happiest of men.”

“You have made me happy as well.”

“Yeah? Because making a Vulcan happy is quite a feat, you know.”

“Indeed. And in case it was not clear before—”

“Oh it was clear.”

Spock sighed. He actually sighed. “I love you.”

Jim opened his mouth and Spock put his hand over it.

“No more. You try my patience.” Spock released him and then stood, pulling Jim up with him. “Shower.”

Jim nodded and put his arms around Spock’s neck. “Best day ever.”

Spock closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Jim’s. “And more best days to come.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [(Fanart) The Love Confession](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17923400) by [Mylochka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mylochka/pseuds/Mylochka)




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